You Don’t Need This Disease (Original Poem)

Oh Love how I miss the times when you’d hold me close
Your warm hands on your cold heart
The chest of imagination is opened only by your mind
I stood in that hallway, floating away to a land that only I could see

Emotions only I could feel
Because only I can be
You don’t need this disease
Oh how I fear for my life on these cold winter nights

Oh how I remember the sweaty summer fights

Peering into the eyes of what you thought was love
But what is love?
When you fall in love, you fall in love with the person you see in the mirror
Spit on the ground as you reminisce on all the friends you made

But all the love that wasn’t found
All the lies that were told
All the times you were put on hold
For what?
The clouds are dark and the sky is split in half
But I’ll see believe
That there is a life is a life after you and me

I whisper contempt (You don’t need this disease)
Atmospheric (You don’t need this disease)

Like a rift in the night
Standing alone on the corner in the rain

 

nothing..

Taken out the ghetto blasters when what’s keeping us down is on guard

When we live under these beautiful stars, how can life be this hard?

Lying there dying in the courtyard of music and dreams

Brutal mutations through the thrust of time, wondering when they are going to die

When something is going meaningful, you see everyone with beautiful cars, wasting away In raggedy bars wondering when the dark rain will begin to disperse

We can hold our hands and find what is love

Believe,

I’m not religious but sometimes I feel what’s going above

Because when I die, will become a bug, a ghost living in the abyss, or nothing…

 

My Life

Yo, nearing the image of suicide growing up in a world where my drink of choice was cyanide, you think I lied, this poetry harder than most writers who have lived or died
Writing with blood dripping down my arm trying to disarm my mind before I dismantle everything in my body, my head down gripping a shotgun, out here they don’t have funny names, because in these parts they don’t play little stupid games

Even these parts, walking around skinny with scratches on your wrist, wearing hand me down jeans laced with your little brothers pissed

Your face…stained with my and daddy’s fist

They were going to fornicate or get drunk quit before they got real mad and they’d start into a violent fit
this is real life, making weapons when you’re three

My eyes so closed I had teach myself how to see, while I got judged for my pants that didn’t match the tee

In a rich little school where looks were the key

Hated by my own race, it came natural

Listening to metal that sounded a lot more factual

Rocking my body back and forth with my walls splattered with blood, my back covered in sweat and going downtown with my life being my first bet

Some said quit the sad talk, be happy

With my teeth all fucked and my hair still nappy

How was I supposed to have a chance, born with a predisposition?

I’m not strong enough to keep seeing my dad’s dead body or listening to my mother flipping

 

The music sounds like an orchestra, waiting my for mom to hit me with a nice hard slap and my dad out of the corner of my eye, wielding a baseball bat
My aunt Cleo said she knew what was going on, but she was to busy watching the game to even Yawn

Injuries matched with inconsistencies, I tried to make myself a different entity

But I was so from it, I didn’t just free fall I gunned it

Feeling like massacring everything and everyone around me, but I loved them to much to see, the amount of pain that I had grown to relive and give on paper

Scars as long as your intuition, looking for a friend

Screaming holding my ears as a pre-teen waiting for the brutality to end

Forced to defend and now I’m subjected to therapy

With some old white woman named Marty telling me to go and school and learn all types of fancy grammar

My words have the Killswitch and the pencil is the hammer

Looked down by most as a heathen and some a fiend

Killed before I even became a teen, the smell of the mop on the floor with the blood curdled up by the door

Get scared during movies, feeling weird when seventeen year old boy is a virgin, expected to become a whore or at least blow something up wearing some type of turban

They say they understand me but the most they could handle is my description being a little bit urban

If this is to dark, I dare you to not proceed

Because for once I’ll be the mouth and you’ll be the meat

Nightmares (ReRelease #1)

Tears on the hillside, please don’t take me this way

I want to stay and become somebody, I want to prove you all wrong

And I can see the city at night from my bedroom window

Gashes from lashing on my legs

But I don’t want your tears

I just want you to know

That if meteors came falling from the sky, I’d still be there to love you

When the music stopped I’d be there to sing

I want you to listen to me

I just want you know, that I’m bigger then this

 

I hurt your child and you look down at me

But I feel like I’ve been away while you got to sit and stay

Don’t look at me, please don’t look at me that way

I’m scared of the pain and the long hard days

These black eyes and the nights when I didn’t know if I’d stay alive

My mother sleep, apologies on his bloodied fists

I don’t want your tears and I don’t need your love

I just want you to know

That when night dawned on my side I needed someone to care

I needed something to be there

Don’t you dare look at me that way

Don’t talk about me that way, don’t you dare

Because I’ve gone through the fucking shit, while you got to float away

I needed a home, while you needed your day

 

And I’ve fought for my life every single night

I did everything to keep breathing, I had to keep my eyes open to keep seeing

And I know that I’ve been gone while you got to sit and stay

I’ve been wrong, and that’s all you say

I need someone to love me, and need to make sense of these nightmares

This is a righteous plea, because fear has a hold on me

I’ve apologized a million times through so many rhymes, but you’ve read but one

Please don’t take me this way, I can’t take seeing the past

I don’t have time for arguments and back talk, I want something to happen

And I’ll say it one more time, I don’t need your love, I don’t need your hugs

I just want you to know
I’ve been through the night times, I’ve been through the halls

I was being hurt, but you didn’t hear my call

So don’t you dare look at me that way, don’t you dare have a word to say

This is my time, this is for me

Some nights when I’d rather flee, then have nightmares I can’t make sense of

Some nights I’d do anything to relive what I had to see