On the Inside

I’ve seen patience on the wayside baby!
Focus on the hocus-pocus lately
With soap on my jersey
Walking on tiptoes past evil
Feeling like the moon is my valentine
Losing my illusion
Blast from the past

Is this a contusion?
Or did i just fall on my ass?
What do you say?
When all the wind knocks you over
And you haven’t got a clue
Smiling contradictions
It really is the worst
Focused by the witness’s knife
Until the end

Have you seen the tombs or the holy graves?
Patience, with electric switches
Turn up your life
Mouth’s open, mugshot, you are no king tut
Brace yourself
As you find there is no way out

My Return

Oh there’s nowhere left to go
Nothing to see
Could you believe now that I could touch the sky
As tears flow down my cheeks, I sit and cry
With nothing left to me
What can I tell her now?
She is so beautiful and upset
How can I be there?
Floating in the distance
My heart is broken in two
And I don’t know what to do

 

Oh there’s nowhere

Nowhere to go
Nothing to see
I can’t stop, I’ve got to believe
This is the life that I wanted but how can he go
Nowhere to go

This is weakest flower blossoming
The smallest star brightening the entire sky

Oh there’s nowhere left to go
My sickly return
Limping along the corridor
The night birds Singing when the moonlight is gone
See you walking along the stars
And now as I fall as far as I can go
I just want you to know

That there is nowhere to go
And I’m stuck clinging to your soul
Oh please come back and show me the way

Dreams

Tears on the hillside, please don’t take me this way

I want to stay and become somebody, I want to prove you all wrong

And I can see the city at night from my bedroom window

Gashes from lashing on my legs

But I don’t want your tears

I just want you to know

That if meteors came falling from the sky, I’d still be there to love you

When the music stopped I’d be there to sing

I want you to listen to me

I just want you know, that I’m bigger then this

 

I hurt your child and you look down at me

But I feel like I’ve been away while you got to sit and stay

Don’t look at me, please don’t look at me that way

I’m scared of the pain and the long hard days

These black eyes and the nights when I didn’t know if I’d stay alive

My mother sleep, apologies on his bloodied fists

I don’t want your tears and I don’t need your love

I just want you to know

That when night dawned on my side I needed someone to care

I needed something to be there

Don’t you dare look at me that way

Don’t talk about me that way, don’t you dare

Because I’ve gone through the fucking shit, while you got to float away

I needed a home, while you needed your day

 

And I’ve fought for my life every single night

I did everything to keep breathing, I had to keep my eyes open to keep seeing

And I know that I’ve been gone while you got to sit and stay

I’ve been wrong, and that’s all you say

I need someone to love me, and need to make sense of these nightmares

This is a righteous plea, because fear has a hold on me

I’ve apologized a million times through so many rhymes, but you’ve read but one

Please don’t take me this way, I can’t take seeing the past

I don’t have time for arguments and back talk, I want something to happen

And I’ll say it one more time, I don’t need your love, I don’t need your hugs

 

I just want you to know

I’ve been through the night times, I’ve been through the halls

I was being hurt, but you didn’t hear my call

So don’t you dare look at me that way, don’t you dare have a word to say

This is my time, this is for me

Some nights when I’d rather flee, then have nightmares I can’t make sense of

Some nights I’d do anything to relive what I had to see

 

 

For More from Anthony Day Grandin
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I’ll take it from here

Can you Feel the Flow? The fluidity, I fear that each line has its own original identity. I used to dream of going to on a big vacation, poor so forget it, thought about horseback riding instead of the Caribbean but the closest thing I got was watching pornos with sybians. Don’t say anything, but I’m beginning to sharpen, be fearful and disheartened because my body is weak but my mind is a Spartan

Do you feel the Anger? I spoke in Tongues, First it was direct publishing, now I’m flourishing after I mugged the industry, some people question my ability after they question my history, I answer in story and in mystery, I want to show you what Glory means to me. Your dealing with a poetic virtuoso, so much rage that I spit evil, this was the moment when I didn’t feel well, this wasn’t the life that I wanted, this felt like hell.

So I dressed for war, we were urban critters that blended with the dark, no west side story, but we were sharks. Billing Issues, Funerals with discount tissues, slashed tires, murder for hire, prostitution, religious institutions, the boys communicating with their hands and the self righteous Judge presiding over the witness stand. I screamed seven letter swears because I’m a beast, ravaged my moral fiber until it was left deceased, gaunt sickly body, the world is preoccupied with who is a hottie and who is a nottie, now everyone be silent for the boy with the shottie

In The clouds, they said, “Fuck the Noise, attention is the predecessor to suspicion. Don’t Look at Us For Redemption, stare at the abyss, so close to feel the flame’s tongue kiss. Grab your paper and pen, you will need it if you want this to ever end”

My Grandma told me it was the dreams i had to chase, to drop bombs on the horizon im so eager to erase. Ten years later murder was the case.
Assimillate the vocabulary to decimate, i told her i wanted to get my cut, she said to mutilate. If this book takes over, Grandin can legislate. Never hesitate to pontificate, never humiliate just eliminate.

 

Don’t Say Those Words (Poem)

Oh I’d rather die in the cold Russian winter, then miss a hot night of a love with you
The cigarette stream makes it harder to see you in my memories

The times when I would shut down my thoughts and focus only on you, memory and make believe
It sure feels like you are all I need

The long nights make it difficult to bare

When the new horizon comes and then you run around sandy beaches without a care
If there is another man, don’t mind…I might stare
Because those three words I used to know, have become my plague

While I drowned in hell’s water, all I could remember was you

 

My Love

Here she comes again

Holding onto the joys of desire
She just looks at me but I love her

Oh the fears of the diminishing regime

Hearts of lies, and the wind whistles as my dreams die
Only to think of life

The light blinds me tonight

The waves of the ocean give me a feeling of warmth
But I am undone
As I write a rhyme
To stop time and turn the world around to make you mine

 

When we say goodbye

It’s a mortal wound
Because my eyes have always followed you around the room
But here she comes again hushing my fears of the night
Trying to make sense of these wondrous dreams
Floating on the cusp of sin
I hope there will be a night when this love can begin

When we say goodbye

It’s a mortal wound
Because my eyes have always followed you around the room
And you are the reason my sun comes up
Darkness at the end of a tunnel
Far away from all the trouble that made me nothing but a shadow
Far away…

 

Take a Minute, The Poem

The solemn aggression and pain of lonely nights, the darkness and disputes shine upon city lights

 

I sway in the wind as the feeling of doom creeps in despite all the advantages of a perpetuating preconceived desires and barren roads that seem to never end

 

They say I’m kidding but it’s a fact, it’s a stereotype of the prejudice that’s built to react

 

My past influences the way I act

 

The messages from society shield wondrous dreams, and I’m beginning to waste away it seems, and if you don’t help me now ill fade away in the misery Day in Day out

 

 

 

Misery finds a home it always does, a problem evolves from me to us, and if looks could kill I’d bury your trust

 

I’d always had my heart in hand, I always said if the tide rose I’d stand, maybe I’m just not god’s man

 

As times passes so quick, in motion my life makes me sick, and you remind me of all the things that were ever said by knowing me when my face was plastered red

 

Controlling each impulse and feeling with empty meds, and the tribulation of being hungry and having yet to be fed no, because sometimes I feel like I’m going to just drop dead

 

It’s the nights I loathe and the daylight I dread, I’m wasting away in bed, the feeling is beginning to spread and I’m fading, I’m fading Day In, Day Out, Day In, Day Out

 

 

 

Smash the window resulting in bloody knees, disgusting fiends waiting for the itch to cease

 

The moments of day when I struggle to breath, delaying celebrations because I’m trying to prove to myself that I still even believe

 

And, I remember so clearly the days I slit my wrist, I remember so clearly all the risks I took to exist

 

To abort an idea and watch it wheeze, set fire to the world, hopes and bars

 

My mind is becoming an exhibition that transcends dimensions for tradition, just so I can have faster cars, sometimes I think there is a moon man and I’m living on mars

 

And no I’m not gonna shot for the stars again, fall from the sky and die breathing in air I used to rely in

 

Day in, Day Out, the reality never speaks it shouts, Day in, Day Out, Day In Out, but I don’t want to fade away, I don’t want to leave this world today

 

There is a memory so stand still, Take a Minute prior to pulling the trigger because now I’ve got a view to a kill

 

I was promised good things that end, and I always knew they would

 

I tried to conquer this world, and even as I falter I know I still could

 

So many perfect shapes, how do I compete? Truth is what you perceive but depending on how much you believe will raise the limits on all that you receive.

 

I’m looking at the quiet sky again, and I’m looking at a close up of the past on New Year’s Eve, the silence holds aggression that builds belief, like blasphemy and grace creating a new me yeah

 

Day creeps and night tends, I’ve got the devil inside yet I ascend, and I blend animosity like it’s a trend, nutrition for a theory fueling hypocrisy, with hate so far the eye can’t see

 

And it’s the times of the night that remind, that if it wasn’t for the hate I couldn’t be me, the evil entity

 

 

 

Have you been able to pontificate about dark days and bright nights that we’ve got, making magic out of the illusions of the people in which we are not

 

I can’t think straight, the pain must stop, because if I stay to off balance I’ll drop These are the days when a father is needed by his son

 

I need someone to pick up the pieces instead of turning around to run, I need a clearer vision of the sun, because some days I feel like a big mistake, and then others like the chosen one, these are the days when I’m reminded how I was born by the knife and will live by a gun

 

This teenage minacity is less innocent then a stroll on the city, or the brutality of the town without pity, revenge and repent, tragedy of the years of doves and mud, and the present terror of the past blood

 

Stuck in my mind, its Day in Day out, stuck in design, the fear, the terror I can’t speak much clearer

 

Because the chills become sincerer, its Day in Day Out, the place more lights to shine on my drought

 

I don’t want to drown or burn away, I want to rise above and howl what I’ve got to say, without delay I want all of hell to pay before I fade away. It’s the glimpse of hope, misery of gleams, Day In Day Out its not what it seems

 

 

 

Told from the Point of view of Draco Ragonov

 

 

Beautiful Girl

When I was losing stars in the night I wished the sky to be blue

But,

As I drowned in all this holy water, all I could think of was you

This is the beginning; I overcame a time when glimpses of sun were to few

And I believe in you and everything because you are so true

As a new rose grows, I want to take your hand, run and not even stop for the sun

Our hearts pacing,

Because I want life to not matter at all, the seconds and minutes pass one by one

You’re blinding, that I want to fast forward to new times and then go back and live in rewind

Because you are one of a kind

Auttimn, I was waiting for the clouds to pass over, but now I’m going to read this poem aloud

Something so blue, and now all that’s on my mind is you

I stare into your eyes to the sound of a melody, because your grace is the symphony

To say what exactly that it meant to me, to pass along transcending dimensions to create a better entity

The seasons were there to take care, and then summer past and autumn came to appear

Look in the mirror and you’re a dazzling dancer in the question of life, in which you are the answer

To a life worth living, I’ve been parading around the old past looking for pain to be forgiven

A life worth living

And,

I can’t wait until tomorrow to give her my heart with giving

You were the stars from the start, and just like trouble times each night the sun departs

And the night tends but the day restarts, and you are

Imagination compared to sorrow, it’s the fact that if I’ll go slow so WE CAN BE TOMORROW

It’s the clouds they hold you my dear, so if I should wipe a tear or listen to you as you conquer each fear, I want you to know I sign all my poems sincere

I was caught in the sea battling me; doorway to the future is entry I can’t see

I kept fishing under the moon, they told me to be patient and that my catch wouldn’t come so soon

Turns out, it went past June, and I would walk around Sovereign park, when the light shined upon couples and gloom complimented the dark

I knew nothing about girls, until I met this pearl

In one day I stared and my life became a swirl

Next week I had to be dreaming, but this scene and this conflict I was fleeing

I realized it was the most beautiful girl in my world that I was seeing

In her beauty I was believing, and as I stared with wondrous eyes

My chest began to curl because,

I’m so fond of this beautiful girl

For Auttimn :))

For My Grandma

My Grandma taught me everything i know, and one of the things she repeated often was, “Dont Take No shit from nobody.”

Painted a lullaby and the child inside wanted to cry, physical description to show how I’ll die, I’ll replace every swear with a bleep, clean up my act and pledge in some prayers that my soul is for god to keep, fake like I’m indebted to religion, indentured to some sort of spiritual beginning. Buts its my Grandma who I’m owing, Edwina the Queen, I’m not going to fake like I have a hard gangster lean, but my family started the new haven scene, it was 1950s, travel back in time to get the definition of mean

A Clip of even numbers in my umbrella, alphabet cars painted blue, red, and vanilla, switched from acting hard to a pink hat like DJ Yella, and now I have a hell of a smell, for the misery, and the pain, I threw myself into rehabilitation with nothing to lose and  nothing to gain. I held pictures of my grandma to keep from going completely insane, shot caller in a mental institution sporting a benzodiazepine gleam from a whole different lane, I conquered my demons but I made it look plain.

That place erased all restrictions and moral, Desensitized to the violence but I can’t write raps about slinging Cristal , I can only embrace my Grandparents as my two best pals, the hate almost derailed my voyage home and I fucked up the tall roadblocks to the height of a gnome. I think about days sitting in room with blood dripping, I was crying all alone. If you had my genetics or looked through my eyes, why would you worry about dying when you roll the dice, Grandson of a Queen so why would I never not rise, blessed to be able to observe the stars, I can upgrade my home and crash a fast car. Through all my success my Gran will never go too far from my heart, sprinkle cigarette ashes on the daily depart

And with all this debauchery, some of us chose to go on and on about pubescent philosophy

And this is the plight of the living dead, verbatim is a death sentence so never quote what I said, now I’m reminiscing about the days when I didn’t have two thousand fans and the potential to publish a revolution right at my hands. Gil Scott Heron would be proud, passed down the asterisk and the slant, Black Panthers are gone but now I’m the man

Kool G Rap was on the edge of sanity, and now I sit back judging this calamity, the town is overflowing with drugs and prostitution to bring the grit to reality, calling out losers is just a formality, to win is like spewing debonair profanity and I’m crushing a hyped house of shit and I’m not talking about Amity, disturbing the peace to the metal of the wood and drawers that are shitty, I was bred in the underbelly of a ugly city, I’ve got the lock on the these other skinny cats, can’t touch me or the way I’m shitting facts

So fuck copyright, Fuck Rights and Motherfuck the peace, I’m the man behind the book taking a stance. My message contradicts my sickness, decided the winner early to add some speed and art to my hit list, who rhymes like this spitting in tongues with such quickness, I’ll bomb the world with mediocre physical fitness, I got this world on Lockdown and I see the horizon with my grandma as my witness. There were three sides to the story so when I finished my 180 degree spin, I contemplated solving the triangular equation before I’d begin, It is my pain that suggests suicide before  I win. I always worked to keep my mind, but god decided to not include me in the general population of mankind.

I got my butter from Calcutta without a pot to piss, can’t see me in a decade with a shiny gold wrist then I’ll help you see the future with an optometrist. Spat lines of ill shit with a major lisp, economist had me in the front sea while I sat back with a morphine drip, then I flipped and moderately constricted the script, I wrote this little book and promised my grandma I’d never ever slip, having my family in my heart with keep me from injury during my ego trip.

Maniacal motherfucker for goodness sake, I don’t wake and bake, and I hate and fake, like I don’t wake and pop, even with the world spinning around me I’ll never stop.

You can’t put a number next to my name, take a life from my surplus because I live life like a game, KKK stopped us in our car and I swear we never changed lanes, my grandma passed down BDI, Black Determined and Insane, I’m an abomination and a lion so ill slap you even if you think it’ll be easy for me to be tamed. I’m not the warm hearted boy I was raised to be

Death Of Love

Did you remember the first time we held hands

Sliding across the couch not sure what to think or what to know

Where we were didn’t matter, we didn’t know where we’d go

We’d count to ten to open our eyes

Close them for the rest of the night

It was like finding god, a lovelorn soul finding their way

Things never changed like that before

Missing each other on a frosty night singing songs into the phone

Crying yourself to sleep now that you’re alone

But the death of love is nothing to be scared of, it’s just a clock ticking on

Your departure haunts my very sense of safety

Because I remember when we’d go to the river that was south of my land

Writing down everything you said, while the voice in my head reminds me that we moved on

I look at the screen expecting your call

I think to pick you up in case you would fall

But as time goes on

Time goes on and our love seperates as the seconds pass

I remember your skin so soft, but I knew that we couldn’t run past the horizon

And the death of love isn’t something to be scared, because it’s a fire blowing out